New in the city!

Hi 

To those of you, who don’t know me (yet), I am G. 

And, I have just moved to Bangalore. Today I am ten days old here in Bangalore! And, these part ten days have been no less than that crucial ‘the most important’ lecture from the chapters bound to come in the exam. No, not kidding. 

I was cussed, spewed bad luck at, got lost on the streets, met an old long lost cousin, got lost in the awe of rain, felt lonely, cried, felt independent, therefore smiled, got mugged, lost 5k as token money deposited and what not! 

Let’s just say I am surviving Bangalore, because I want to really quick start living here, the way I did in Delhi. 

Man! I do miss the familiarity of Delhi roads. But to be honest, I haven’t given myself even one chance to sit and regret the decision of moving because I had to. I just had to move out of that city. It was taking me nowhere. I mean, I had been there for past eight years. I grew up there. I love that city with all my heart and zeal but I did want to move out.

So here, I am almost 1400 miles, down south of the country, in a place where language is the biggest barrier I am facing. 

So with an unmistakably failed attempt at blogging, I am taking my Alexa rank to the next level via #MyFriendAlexa Campaign with Blogchatter. You’ll be reading more of my Bangalore experience in the upcoming posts. See you! 

Memory #1

 

Movie scene description

Delcon (Richard Gere) is following The Jackal (Bruce Willis) and gets caught between two fast moving trains coming from the opposite directions. (The YouTube link above will take you directly to the scene)

Why am I writing about a stupid train movie scene? 

Read this! 

What does this movie scene remind me of?

That I grew up in a joint family and had no access to the TV remote in my childhood.

How?

I must have been twenty one or twenty two, no I guess twenty two is correct. Anyway, this day was just like any other day. It’s not that I remember what day it was or how it started, like no clue at all, honestly! It was just another regular boring day that had come up with Sun up there in the sky and being the same boring, procrastinating, lazy myself, I was watching TV.

So, Star Movies was playing this film ‘The Jackal.’ To be honest I started watching the movie because of Bruce Willis and Richard Gere. It by the way is a great movie (Bruce, Richard and Sidney Poitier, a perfectly talented combination of three great actors cast just right against each other).

The movie was approaching its end, must have been another ten more minutes to go before it ended and suddenly came this particular ‘train scene’ ( YouTube link above). And it was déjà vu. Like wait, I have seen this particular scene before, but where? I am not someone who forgets movies and a movie this brilliant? No chance! I had not seen this movie before, period. But then how in the world did I remember this particular train scene? And it was not any regular faint or a blurred memory. I could feel that the ‘train scene’ had been implanted in my brain years ago. Like it had been peacefully resting in my long term memory forever and was, may be waiting for the right moment to just burst out, but how?

Kids from joint families in the nineties rarely got to watch TV on their own. Because, we all had our elders watching their favourite shows, at their particular time slots and kids (like me) only wished that the day was, may be made up of 32 hours. If not this, then all we could do is get some space on the already crowded sofa and watch whatever our elders seemed to watch. Indian middle class has never deemed it important to give children their own choices. I myself was never, ever in my life asked ‘what would you like watch, my dear child?’ I may still die of a stroke if my father or uncle comes and asks me this very question today, because they never will. Till this very day, if it’s us sitting together in front of the television, then the poor television has to play that ‘pathetic-death arousing-boring news’. Why because children do not watch TV. They study or they play. Television was never for us. We had to be at the mercy of our elders to let us watch, whatever they watched.

Hence, this memory is from one of those ‘No TV for you’ days. My uncle was watching this movie on television and I am sure I must have been timidly resting next to him staring at the television screen. Because to be honest, back then existed no subtitles; and understanding them (characters) speak in flawless English was beyond comprehension. <I was kid, don’t judge>

So, this particular ‘two fast trains moving opposite to each other, and a poor guy getting jammed between the two’ got stuck in my mind. It got stuck so well, that I never realised it had been passively living in my memory for so long. Strange are a few memories. Some are funny too! This one’s weird because I have no memory of any other scene from the movie.

Well, may be some say it right, that our brain comprehends only what it wants to comprehend, rest can really go to hell and enjoy their time. So, that’s my first story. Let me know if you got bored reading it because I will try and do better with the next one.

P.S I do have access to the TV remote now in the apartment I rent, but in my own house, yes the big family house, it’s the kids who rule now and my elders today have to watch Shin Chan and Chota Bheem.  Karma right?


So, in this Half Marathon blogging challenge with Blog Chatter, I am going to blog about movie scenes those have somehow, anyhow been stuck in my mind. Short anecdotes about what made a particular movie scene stick. Could have been Mom’s call from the kitchen at the very important movie scene, could have been the missed first five minutes of a movie due to traffic, could have been the location, like look I was here (happened with me when I went watching ‘Queen’) or a very distant childhood memory that made that very particular movie scene get glued to the long term memory of my brain. 

I couldn’t write a post on the second day of the Marathon because of an exam, hence starting my Movie Memory Marathon from today onward. 

Reminiscing it right!

 

We all watch movies right?

Some of us like catching them fresh, first day first show; while, some only prefer watching seasoned movies on the telly. Some of us like talking about the movies whereas some of us, (no matter how annoying we may appear) also shamelessly talk in the middle of movies. Then there are people who like collecting movies (Respect). Few of us have their own Harvey Specter and Mike Ross in them, who just don’t forget any movie. These guys simply enjoy throwing movie quotes at us, right?  But no matter what category of movie watchers ‘we’ may fall into; we, in all proportions, big or small love movies.

But why exactly do we love movies?

Well, because every movie is a story, but ever wondered if you have a personal story for ‘the’ story? Pause, and think for a moment, what crazy, memorable incident happened with a movie or within a movie? Was it the annoying guy at the PVR seated next to you? Or was that one friend who just, no matter how hard you try, garners attention from the entire hall for his or her loud laugh?  Well, happens with me all the time! No kidding, I swear!

It could also be a prank you may have copied from a movie and played it along? Or replicated a movie scene for your own self, well not hinting at the clichéd romantic moments, but it does happen among friends too!

Did anything hit your mind? Yeah? Great! So, you do agree with me that movie scenes stick? They do man! They do! Wait, nothing did hit your mind? Try thinking hard? Try try!

So, in this Half Marathon blogging challenge with Blog Chatter, I am going to blog about movie scenes those have somehow, anyhow been stuck in my mind. Short anecdotes about what made a particular movie scene stick. Could have been Mom’s call from the kitchen at the very important movie scene, could have been the missed first five minutes of a movie due to traffic, could have been the location, like look I was here (happened with me when I went watching ‘Queen’) or a very distant childhood memory that made that very particular movie scene get glued to the long term memory of my brain.

My most advertent try will be to not bore you! And, if by Mother Mary’s grace our movie scenes match! Then voila! Just write it down here! And we shall gladly rejoice over the memories we hit! What say?

So see you tomorrow with ‘the first’ movie scene story up here!

 

Till then do whatever you want to do Man but don’t waste water!!!

(Saying it in Salman Khan Style)

Good Night!

 

#DailyChatter

 

Featured picture source: http://unrealitymag.com/

GOODBYE…

His mobile lock screen said 4:48 pm in a larger than regular digital font size. He was, just like any other day blankly staring at his phone’s lock screen, a solid black wallpaper with a clock displaying time in colour white, when suddenly came a notification about a text message from an unknown number.
A text message from an unknown number was not common anymore, his mind hit him back. But he didn’t have to think twice about the sender after reading the only one word text, that message contained. It must have hardly taken him quarter of a second to know that the message came from her. The message said ‘GOODBYE’, just ‘GOODBYE’. All in caps lock and a period thereafter it. He kept staring at it, for as long as he could. His heart wanted him to dial that number immediately back and keep her from going away but his mind kept him from doing that. All he did was to stare at that message and wonder from how far had she sent it from. Had she already left the city? Was she boarding a bus? Or was she catching a train? Did she already start from the house? Could there be time? Could there be time for me to reach out to her? Could there still be time for me to say what she’s been waiting to hear for all this while? Could it still be done?

His mind kept telling him to do the assignment that was due in the next forty minutes as his boss, anyway didn’t seem very happy. It kept shouting at him to let her go, to concentrate on the pending excel sheet and to switch the phone off and get back to work. But instead he suddenly found himself dialing (back) the unknown number, the one that text had come from. Two rings and nobody picked up. Four, and still no answer. His brain was still negotiating. Hang up after the sixth ring. You don’t have to do this. Let her go, kept saying the mind. Ring number eight, no answer and he could clearly hear his heart pounding. There was silence all around. He felt like his brain was running its own noise cancellation program to keep everyone at bay. The count had progressed to 12. It was the in the middle of the 12th and the 13th ring that someone picked the phone up and answered back with a ‘Hello’. It was not the voice he wanted to hear. 

Deep within he already knew that she wouldn’t answer because the message came from an unknown number. He knew her phone hadn’t been working and therefore it could have come from anyone. It could have come a fellow lady passenger in the metro. It could be from her roommate’s phone. It could be from a man, though she initially would have hesitated, but then knowing she was approaching the edge, would have gone ahead and asked help from. In a strange set of way he felt comfortable with her courage of approaching people whenever in need. She was such, present in the moment, certain about her needs, comprehendible, believable. He remembered that she joked about always meeting the right kind of people. People who do not shy away from helping strangers like her.

 He had almost begun to picture her smile after the joke, when a second ‘Hello’ from that strange voice brought him back. He amidst his own thoughts about her had forgotten about the one word message that had had just arrived. A sudden stare at his own reflection on the computer’s screen, which had died out reminded him of the ‘GOODBYE’ he had just received. Almost in panic he asked,

“Is number se message aaya abhi…”

(I had just received a message from this num…”

Before he could complete his question, the voice from the other side cheeringly said, “Vo to madam thi aik, unhone kiya tha. Keh rahi thi phone band hai mera, aik message karne denge? Maine de diya…” 

(There was a madam, who did it. She said her phone wasn’t working and she wanted to send a message. Seeing no harm, I gave her my phone…)

Inadvertently he knew that she must have had used the adverb ‘please’ before making the request, that she did. There was something about her, about her ways of making requests. Nobody could say no to her. He himself knew how difficult it had been avoiding her persistent requests for meeting her. Helpless about saying ‘No’ to her, he always ended up lying to her. Whenever she had ask him to meet, he would tell her that he will come but never turned up, because he could just not say ‘no’ to her. 

He had started counting the number of times when he had wanted to say ‘no’ but didn’t. The count was still ongoing in his head when the voice added, ‘Chali gayi par vo ab, bht ro rahi thi bechari, aapne aisa kya kiya tha …?’

‘But she is gone now…she kept weeping for a long time. What did you do…?’

 ‘Aapne aisa kya kiya tha’…(What did you do…)

These five words hit him like a blow. His mind refused to take them in. Hurriedly he hung up the phone, without even asking the ‘voice’ about his whereabouts and details. With that numb mind he sat back in his chair, staring at his phone, whose screen was dark again, with the same white-colour-clock saying 4:58 pm.

दिल्ली के दिल से दूर…

दिल्ली के दिल से दूर,

दिल्ली के शोर से दूर,

दिल्ली कि गर्मी से दूर,

इसी गर्मी में पिघलते, घुलते

हम जैसे लोगों की पहुंच से दूर,

सच कहूं तो पहुंच ही नहीं

हमारी समझ से भी बहुत दूर,

कुदरत का एक पहलू है,

एक जंगल है,

जो घुट-घुट कर जी रहा है।

चारों ओर से शायद कट भी रहा है।

हर 2 मिनट में हवाई जहाजों की

भारी, नजरअनदाज ना की जाने वाली आवाजें,

उसे सोने नहीं देती,

वो तो न जाने कब से सोया ही नहीं है,

आते जाते हवाई जहाज उसे जगाये जो रखते हैं।

फिर भी, अपने अंदर

वो ना जाने कितनी ही खूबसूरत चीजें समेटे बैठा है।

पूरी दिल्ली के पंछी यहीं आ बसें हैं,

इसके शहरी जंगल से,

सन्नाटे की खोज में ओझल, बहु-विचलित

सारी तितलियां मानों उड़, यहां दूर भाग आईं हैं।

ये तितलियां कुछ सौ के गुटों में

छोटे छोटे पेड़ों पर बैठ

जी रही हैं,

इन्हें खामोशी की तलाश है।

पर वो खामोशी इन्हें,

इस सुकून से भरे जंगल में भी

सिर्फ कुछ पलों के लिए ही मिलती है

क्योंकि,

हर 2-3 मिनटों उपरान्त

भारीभरकम, शोर मचाने वाले हवाई जहाज 

इन्हें आकुल जो कर देते हैं।

उन हर 2-3 मिनटों के बीच के उस सन्नाटे में, न जाने

कितने पंछी अपने गीत गा देते हैं।

न जाने कितने मोर, अपनी आवाज एक दूसरे तक पहुंचा देते हैं,

न जाने कितनी अनगिनत कोयले पीहू-पीहू कर

हवा में रुहानियत भर देती हैं।

उनकी इसी कूक ने तो मानों जैसे, हर पल मरते

इस जंगल की रूह को जिन्दा रखा है।

उन्हीं 2-3 मिनटों के बाद, पुनः शोर से विक्षुब्ध ये तितलियां,

अस्त व्यस्त हो इधरउधर भागती हैं,

ठिकाना ढूंढती हैं।

अपने कोमल पंखों से आसपास का

मुआयना कर, ये तितलियां

फिर शान्त हो बैठने की कोशिश करती हैं।

उसी सन्नाटे को ढूंढती हैं।

सन्नाटे को परख जब ये वापस बैठ जाती हैं,

शान्त हो जाती हैं।

तभी फिर, दूर ऊपर खुले आसमान में एक हवाई जहाज

शोर मचाता, चीखता चिल्लाता

चारों ओर फैल चुके सन्नाटे को चीरता हुआ निकल जाता है ‍।

और ये नन्ही, कोमल तितलियां फिर व्याकुल हो

अपने उसी सन्नाटे की खोज में जुट जाती हैं।

ऐसा प्रतीत होता है मानों,

प्रण लिया हो हवाई जहाजों ने,

इन तितलियों को जीवन भर उत्तेजित रखने का ।

हर मुमकिन प्रयास इनके जीवन को अशांत रखने का।

हर कोशिश इनके भावों से खेलने की।

घुट-घुट कर जी रहा ये जंगल,‍

धीरे-धीरे घुट-घुट कर अब मर रहा है,

दम तोड़ रहा है

गुहार लगा रहा है,

हमें कोस रहा है,

दम तोड़ रहा है।

The jungle being referred to is the ‘Aravali biodiversity park’ in Vasant Kunj, New Delhi. 

Forests need us today. More than ever before. They may seem green, but they are dying. A death with every breath we breath. You don’t have to go and hug a tree to save environment, all you have to do is to put a control on your consumption. By consumption, I don’t mean food, but every other thing you buy with money. Ask your self if you need that new bag, new shirt, new glasses because if you don’t, then this small wise decision will save environment in the long run. Start Today! 

ये मुझसे आगे जाएगा…

मैंने हमेशा सोचा है,

क्यों मैं उनके ख़्वाब बुनूँ?

क्यों मैं उनकी सोच सजूँ?

क्यों मैं उनके कहे चलूँ?

क्यों मैं उनकी रीत रचूँ?

क्यों?

 

आख़िर मेरी भी इच्छा है;

मेरी भी तो जिज्ञासा है।

मेरे अपने कुछ क़िस्से हैं,

जो मुझे ही के हिस्से हैं।

फिर मैं क्यों कोई बोझ सहूँ?

क्यों मैं उनकी बात सुनूँ?

 

मैंने सोच लिया था,

बेटा केवल अपनी सुनना।

न तू किसी के भ्रम में गुमना।

ये उनकी मोहमाया है,

जो जीवन जी न पाया है।

तू बेफ़िक्र चलना,

बेशक कभी न वापस मुड़ना।

 

उस सूरज ने सब जग देखा है,

तू सब जग से किरणें चुनना,

हर पग तू बस आगे बढ़ना,

बेशक कभी न पीछे मुड़ना।

 

(फिर हमने)

ख़ुद से जब ये बात कही,

दिल में एक आस जगी

जब नहीं किसी ने रोका है,

तो जग सारा इक मौका है।

 

बस फिर क्या था

निकाल पड़ा मैं,

मनमानी करने।

सारे जग को अपना करने।

जग ये सारा शीतल था,

आसमान में पीतल था।

 

बीच गली इक ग़ज़ल बनी

जब मुझको,

निर्झर बहती पवन मिली।

ख़ुशी से महका आलम था,

बस उसका आना रहता था।

वो भी आए,

संग अपने और भी रंग लाए,

झूमता, झिलमिलाता, ख़ुशनुमा तराना था,

ज़िंदगी अब जैसे एक गाना था।

 

छोड़ दिया था हमने

दूजों की सुनना,

और दूजों की माँगे भरना।

फिर हमने एक शोर सुना;

फिर हमने एक शोर सुना,

जो शोर नहीं मानो एक गाना था,

जिसे गा रहा एक नन्हा मुन्ना तराना था।

 

उसे गोद में उठा आँखें भर आयीं,

और दूजे पल,

मुझ ही ने अंदर से आवाज़ लगायी

ये मेरी परछायी होगा,

इस सा और ना कोई दूजा होगा।

ये मेरी परछायी होगा,

इस सा और ना कोई दूजा होगा।

ये मेरे ख़्वाब सजाएगा,

ये मुझसे आगे जाएगा।

 

This post has been penned down as a part of the Blogchatter weekly prompt ‘Write what your heart writes’. So, story behind the poem is:

There is a poet I follow on Instagram and one day he posted a picture of his newborn son saying ‘He will travel to all the places, I didn’t’.

Now, there are few things over which, me and my father have always had issues and one of them is paying too much importance to tomorrow. I am a ‘life is here’ person and he is ‘think about tomorrow’ person.

To be honest, that post of his brought me at peace. In a second, I swear I am not exaggerating but in a split second, I understood as to why my father was so adamant about few things, which I do not approve. Because he himself had a dream. Just because he couldn’t fulfil  his, he wants me to go ahead and do it. Right before that moment I always thought ‘why does he have to pressurise me so much’, but that one line caption made me understand that it’s nothing but love. A fathers love, to see his daughter going places. I never said or shared this little incident with him but then thought it was worth penning something down. Therefore ‘writing what the heart wanted to write’.

Million Thanks for dropping by! Each of you count. 😀

‘IT’

There is a poster of a quote on my door. I had put it there, a few months ago, with the hope, that looking at it day and night, I may get help to see that tiny bit of light everyone says exists at the end of the tunnel. But, no use because I am as clueless about life as I was yesterday or a month ago or three months ago; when I had put the poster there.

The quote says  ‘If you can’t stop thinking about it, don’t stop working for it’ but me, I am still very much lost.

 ‘If you can’t stop thinking about it, don’t stop working for it. ‘

My problem is I do not know what is ‘It’ for me. What should I be working for? What should I be looking for? What should I be awake for? I just don’t know. I have been literally slogging my days off for the past one and half year. No clue what is going on, not a single clue where life is heading to, and no idea what tomorrow holds. I am not exaggerating but I have literally been free floating for the past one and half year and the irony is I don’t even know how to swim. It is kinda getting on my nerves now because neither am I drowning nor am I swimming. I am just there. Held. Stuck. Fixed, well not literally but yes, I am. O boy! Is it all that left is to cry? Yeah, I know, not really right? But I am bored. Days pass, months begin and when I look back it is three months already to something that happened yesterday and it makes sick to my stomach. How the hell is time passing when it is not passing at all? Why? How? I want to know. I demand a clarification. But who the hell is going to give it me? Life sucks!

Anyway, I did not write this post to vent okay! I am writing it because for the first time in my life, I think I have an ‘It’ that I want to chase. I really really want to chase. I know writing a word twice is not impeccable English but I want you to feel when I say I really really want to chase him. Oh yes, I know what you are thinking next. Like ‘no, please! Give me a break, not another cliché, girl-boy story! Or may be ‘Cheque please we are done with our dinner.’ Or something else that resonates with the disappointment I may have just brought out on to you, but it is the truth.

Earlier whenever, while seated at my bed (again clueless about life) I looked at the poster, it had make me wonder into far off places where I could go, but didn’t go. Looking at the poster made me feel, I wouldn’t say loser, but it felt like life is slipping away, day by day but I did not know what to do. But wait, here I had like to make a clarification that its not that I have suddenly got a grip on my life. No!!! I haven’t. Life today is all the more messy than it was yesterday or two months ago or two years ago.

But what has changed is the answer that I get from my heart when I read that quote. Well, to help you understand, I am typing this line; I looked at the poster again, and I swear, I heard the same thing, so this sudden appearance of an answer for ‘It’ is what worries me. Couldn’t ‘It’ have come for a better idea or goal or an aim or something more meaningful?

He is all over my head. I hate to admit but I do feel like a teenager.

So the story is that he is running away and the strong, opinionated, independent, calm-until-now woman in me, does not want to care about the fact that he is not staying. I even go to the extent and tell myself that “To hell with him, what the heck does he think of himself? He is no Bradley Cooper okay! Or Mel Gibson or Gabriel Match or Jon Snow! There has to be mutual consent between two individuals for them to be with each other and if he thinks he is too broken to be loved by someone and therefore is scared of pursuing whatever little he felt or feels about me, then he can go die.”

He is no Bradley Cooper okay! Or Mel Gibson or Gabriel Match or Jon Snow!

But do I really want that? Or do I really do that?

No!

<See? This is what worries me>

May be I should go check in with a shrink but that would be expensive for a person whose current Employed@ status reads ‘unemployed’. Oh, yes for your kind information, life otherwise is still a mess.

Almost everyone I have shared this with, has warned me to get my shit together and move on. Some even had cliché advice like ‘Women do not chase men, it is otherwise’ to offer. But this very poster – day and night, all the more makes me want to pursue him. To be honest, I do not want to miss out on him but at the same time I do not want my perseverance  for ‘It’ to be mistaken for desperation.

.

.

.

I do not want my perseverance  for ‘It’ to be mistaken for desperation.

Posted as a part of Blog-chatter weekly prompt ‘Free write’, I am not writing this to ask for free advice or to tell me what should I do?’ I am writing it because I need to clear my head and get going with blogging. I haven’t been doing pretty well here but I want to. So, thank you very much for dropping by.

Sincerely,

G.

BTW, that’s the door and the ‘quote’ on it. Also, you are most welcome to make fun of my other pins on the door. #Pleasure

IMG_8655.JPG